we can't escape the inevitable [176]

who wouldve thought that a small toddler like that would grow up to be me?

things tend to be faster these days. its quite scary when you kinda think of it. i mean, growing up is something i tend to be failing at. i'm scared of the future.

yeah, its part of life but sometimes i'd like to stop to see how far i've come;

all the things i've gone through, both good and bad.

i dont think i expected myself to be like this.

i've done things that i was never supposed to; seen the forbidden; touched the prohibited.

but that actually made me who i am.

all that crap made me realize who were my real friends; who were really there or the ones that are just ignorant.

i've learnt a lot without the intention to.

it hurts to see parts of my past that just ruins whoever or whatever i am.

and there's this specific part of my past that i'd like to let go but it haunts me every time with no doubt.

if people really know me, you would know what it is but not exactly.

i've never told anyone about it.

never did, because i know their view of me would change rapidly.

and i would love to find a person that i could tell that to... and actually understand.

people tell me to let go of the past,

whatever happened, happened.

it's easy for you to say but it takes me a lot more courage than i thought to do it.

deep down inside, i'm scared.

scared of what?

everything.

life scares me.

because i know now that things happen.

with or without a reason.

and without you knowing.

and that can change everything.

--

more than ecstatic to go back home.

rather disappointed that i dont get enough time in KL.

2009 is ending in 29 days.

sincere apologies for the depressing post.

just thought i would actually share my emotions.

:)