262 levels

Right now I just feel like filling up my blog with weird, impromptu posts like this.
I'm going to Indonesia in 6 days, and it turns out it's only going to be with just my parents this time. Another fun fact, I'm going to East Java with them and my grandma with the train.

I don't know whether to be excited or itching to find a way out.
That's like an almost 6-hour trip by train with people who are triple my age.
Listing down the awkward moments I'll have would be useless, because that list would be endless.

I don't think I can survive 2 weeks + 1 day without the company of people I could talk to. Who the hell am I going to talk to without my sisters around?
If you don't really know me, my parents and I do get along, but not to the extent of me telling them everything, because that bond diminished a long time ago.
I do joke around and mess around with them, but when it's time to talk about current circumstances, it just doesn't seem right.

Maybe I'm just scared that they'll ask me questions that I'll never want to reveal the answers to, or they find out something and I can't escape the investigation.
Something of that sort.
Maybe I've got authority issues.

I just don't like the awkward silences and questions and jokes and conversations I share with my parents. Of course, people would say that "only you can change that".
Trust me, if I knew what I could possibly change, I would.
But you know what, I'm scared.
It's always because of previous experiences; they either turn my day disappointing or just downright depressing.

Meh.

But maybe, I'm just overthinking this.
I mean, it's just 15 days right?
What could possibly go wrong?

I'd like a warm hug.